The one big difference…

…this time around in dealing with my mom’s cancer situation is that I’ve got somebody I can talk to.

As the one year anniversary of my emotional bottoming out last year arrives this week, it seems as though I’m being tested once again with my mom battling for her health and me being “the strong one” for my family.

This time, however, there is one big difference.

One of the things that I took for granted with The Ex was that, when we were together, she was the person I’d share everything with.  Looking back, “getting along” is pretty much all we ended up having.  But because we’re still friendly, I can still talk to her for a few minutes when I’m dropping off the Ankle Biter on occassion should something be on my mind.

Last January, though, I wasn’t in an emotional position to do that. Nor do I think I ever will be again, considering the situation. I mean, we’re friends…not confidants…and that’s it. So where I was absolutely lost last year and going into an emotional downward spiral that would bottom out a year ago this week, this year my entire world is different because of one person:

Sunshine.

Sunshine: 07-08-09

Just having her in my life is a blessing in and of itself. To have  somebody there…somebody I’m truly head-over-heels in love with…who wants to be there 100% for me regardless of the situation…well, that’s just a feeling that can’t adequately be put into words.

And she didn’t even have to do anything, really (I took it easy on her…lol).  She was the first person I talked to when I got “the phone call” yesterday. She was the first person I emailed when my mom called me at work this afternoon. She talked to me last night on the phone before heading off to bed...she was just there for me.

Sunshine: 07-11-09

I got a few things off my chest at the beginning of the phone call, too.  I explained the situation and what was going on with my mom and my thoughts on the cancer and good/bad scenarios and the like…and then I just didn’t feel like talking much after that (heck, I don’t like talking on the phone on the best of days anyway…lol).

But you know what? Sunshine listened to me.  She didn’t try to spin too much of an unrealistic positive vibe on things. She didn’t try to “pump me up”. She didn’t try to talk my ear off as a way to distract me.

She just listened.

So while the 2nd half of our conversation was mostly her trying to keep a conversation going while I zoned out thinking about mom, she didn’t complain or try to force me to speak with her.  She was just there.

Over the past 48 hours, Sunshine has been exactly what I needed. Exactly.

Sunshine: 07-09-09

The one big difference between this health scare and the last time mom had to be rushed to the hospital is that I’ve got this amazing woman who loves me and, even though she’s 3 hours away, is there for me for whatever I need…regardless of the situation.  And she’s there because she loves me…without judgment or preconceived notions on how things should be or how I should act in any given situation.

I truly feel like I’m going to be just fine…whether the news I end up hearing within the next week is good or bad.  I’m going to be just fine because I’ve got the most amazing support system in this woman (not to mention the incredible support of “the Blogosphere”…which really can show incredible compassion and out-stretched arms when it wants to).

And this woman I love…this support system that sends me a picture of her EVERY SINGLE MORNING BECAUSE SHE’S SO AWESOME (some of which are displayed here)…will be all I need to help get through whatever life throws at me.